2017 Movies Nobody Asked For

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With 2016 already gone, 2017 is shaping up to be an even bigger year for the movie industry, with countless blockbusters waiting to be released. But it isn't just about the big movies, such as Star Wars, Spider-Man, Justice League, and others. It’s also about the much smaller projects, including A Monster Calls, which will receive a wide release on the 6th of January; the movies nobody knows about, such as the untitled Cloverfield sequel, which will be released on the 27th of October; and the sequels to unexpected hits, including John Wick: Chapter 2, which will be released on the 10th of February.

Nonetheless, besides the movies everybody wants to see, 2017 will also bring flicks nobody really asked for. And, by God, there are tons of them. In 2016, we had Ben Hur, Gods of Egypt, and quite a few other duds. 2017 will have many more.

So check out this list of the 2017 movies nobody asked for!


Return of... but why? (Utter)

Return of…but why? (Utter)

As expected, January is filled with movies nobody really cares about. And while some do seem to be at least fun (such as Monster Trucks, which will still be a dud, in our opinion), the rest show that Hollywood has run out of ideas.

So, while A Monster Calls will receive a wide release at the beginning of the month, it will be lost in a sea of sequels that will arrive too late to make an impact. And it’s pretty hard to say which one of them is the most useless. Is it the xXx 3: Return of Xander Cage follow-up? Well, this one does seem to be it - but Vin Diesel can still attract audiences, especially with insane movies such as this one. Or is it the Sleepless remake, with Jamie Foxx and TI? This could also be it.

However, the title in this case is split between two sequels: Underworld: Blood Wars (January 6th) and Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (January 27th). Milla Jovovich returns to the only franchise that will still hire her four years after Retribution, in what seems to be the…well, the final chapter of the film series. We have no idea how it managed to last through six movies.

Also four years after the last installment in the franchise, Blood Wars will see the return of Kate Beckinsale as the vampire (or whatever she is these days) at war with the Lycans (who are now more dangerous than ever, we are told).

I don't know. I guess these are cheap movies to make. But still - why do they make them? It isn't as if the previous ones can be called classics"¦


Darker (Variety)

Darker (Variety)

Last February, Deadpool made history twofold: it was a great movie released in this month, and it became the highest grossing R-rated flick of all time. History won't repeat itself this year, though (even if the second chapter of John Wick will be released).

So we have movies such as Fist Fight (another Ice Cube comedy set for release on February 17); Rings (to be released on February 3, another sequel which arrives too late); and even The Great Wall (despite the whitewashing controversy, this February 17 release shows that Matt Damon can make a great Green Arrow for the DCEU).

But, really, who in the world needs Fifty Shades Darker (February 10th)?!? Didn't people realize from the first one that the franchise will not deliver anything it promised? I know it made more than 10 times its budget - but, come on! Isn't this fad already gone? Five years have passed since the first book appeared, and nobody even mentions it.

Will it make money? I am more inclined to say that it will - but it will certainly make less than the first one.


Power Rangers (CosGamer)

Power Rangers (CosGamer)

March begins with a bang, as Logan (probably the most anticipated flick of 2017) is released on the 3rd of the month. And it won't stop there, with Kong: Skull Island following on the 10th, Beauty and the Beast on the 17th (after hearing Emma Watson sing, I’m convinced that this flick will make over 1 billion), and others.

However, March also has sequels and remakes that may ruin their predecessors. Of course, I’m talking about T2: Trainspotting on the 3rd (the original cast is there, but where will the story go?) and Ghost in the Shell on the 31st (whitewashing again - but this isn't all, since there are hints that the story has been adapted for American audiences).

So which March movie takes the cake as the one nobody asked for? Of course it is Power Rangers on the 24th - is this still a thing? I know that some actually watched it as kids. But that doesn't justify making the film with such a huge budget (reportedly $150 million). A trailer has already been released, and it doesn't impress at all, with actual fans saying it was too generic and it had too much in common with Chronicle.

Despite having Brian Cranston, Bill Hader, and Elizabeth Banks (in secondary roles), I do believe that this movie will fizzle like no other in 2017.


F8 (Forbes)

F8 (Forbes)

While April has Smurfs: The Lost Village coming out on the 7th (yeah, there is no connection with the Smurfs movies, but the aftertaste is still there), from the 14th on, the month will belong to The Fate of the Furious. And, really, aren't people getting tired of seeing Vin Diesel struggling to talk about family and stuff and doing crazy physics-defying stunts?

I know Furious 7 (oh my god, they’ve made eight of these, already) made $1.5 billion dollars and was well received by the critics (an unbelievable 79% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes). But how many times can they do the same thing?

Yeah - this time around, Charlize Theron (of all people) is the big baddie  and Vin Diesel is brainwashed and fights his crew. It will make money - but I do hope it won't make that much and that the franchise will be put on hold.

Did you know they were talking about making a shared universe for this?!?


Dead franchises tell no tales (CBM)

Dead franchises tell no tales (CBM)

Though May has Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (5th), it also has King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (12th). And though it has Alien: Covenant (19th), this month will also see the release of Baywatch (26th). However, these movies still have a chance to actually be fun to watch.

The Baywatch trailer, at least, surprised me (and I can't wait for The Rock to show his muscles and make the DCEU great).

But the one movie that nobody really asked for – and it comes after repeated delays – is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, which arrives on the 26th of the month. It was pretty clear from the franchise’s second installment that the movies (based on an amusement park ride, of all things) could only go downhill from there. But Disney keeps making them"¦

I guess $3.7 billion across four movies is a great incentive. Even when Johnny Depp keeps phoning it in.


The Last Knight (MarvelHub)

The Last Knight (MarvelHub)

June brings Warner Bros. its next chance to prove that it can make great comic book movies, featuring anyone other than the Batman. So I’m looking forward to this month, which will see the release of Wonder Woman on the 2nd, The Mummy on the 9th, and Despicable Me 3 on the 30th. Cars 3 will also be released in June (on the 16th), with the teaser trailer being darker than anybody would have expected.

But June will also bring the next installment in the Transformers franchise, which is titled The Last Knight. And, if you haven't seen the trailer yet, this one will see the return of Mark Wahlberg as the inventor, alongside the Transformers from the previous movies.

The movie will also feature Knights of the Round Table, Nazis, and who knows who else.

The Transformers, like the Pirates of the Caribbean, lost its appeal as a franchise after the first movie was released. And despite each subsequent movie being bashed by the critics, they still manage to break records at the box office. Why? This is the burning question, I guess"¦

Anyway, Michael Bay will return with countless explosions, slow motion sequences, flags, and military maneuvers. And he will once again rule the month (I do believe that, even though Wonder Woman will be released a couple of weeks earlier).


What next? (Coming Soon)

What next? (Coming Soon)

No, you didn't skip a page - the July releases are actually decent. And this could be said about August’s offerings as well, even if none of them pops up as a must-see. However, unlike July (which still has Dunkirk and  Spider-Man), August has The Emoji Movie, which will be released on the 4th of the month.

And this after 2016 saw the release of The Angry Birds flick.

What can be said about this one? I guess nobody expected it to actually be released. But lesson learned! I guess that by 2020 we will see how Ow! My Balls becomes a worldwide phenomenon and how Ass wins the most Academy Awards, including the one for best screenplay"¦


What can be said about September without hurting its feelings? Not that much - there aren't too many flicks announced for so late in the year at this point. However, what we know is that September will begin with Sky Sharks, which is the kind of movie that doesn't take itself seriously –  and we shouldn’t, either. It looks awesomely fun, mixing sharks, planes, zombies, and Nazis.

This being said, I’m more excited to see Sky Sharks than I am about It, the remake/adaptation arriving on the 8th of the month. The 1990 miniseries had the awesome Tim Curry as Pennywise, the terrifying clown. And he was terrifying because he actually looked like a normal clown, like one you'd bring to a party. On the other hand, the 2017 flick has Bill SkarsgÃ¥rd in the role - and the problem is that this clown doesn't hide its intentions. It is pretty clear that no kid would ever follow it anywhere.

I have no idea why they’re making this movie.


Again and again and again (Screen Rant)

Again and again and again (Screen Rant)

October has quite a few big releases for being so late month in the year, kicking off with Kingsman: The Golden Circle and Blade Runner 2049 on the 6th, followed by Insidious 4 on the 20th, and ending with the untitled Cloverfield sequel on the 27th. And while I’m disappointed that the industry is revisiting a movie that was perfect with Blade Runner 2049, I still have high hopes for it (mainly because of the director, Denis Villeneuve).

But October also will see the release of Saw Legacy on the 27th - and, believe me, at this point I don't even know how many movies in this franchise have been made up until now. What I do know is that the previous Saw flick was supposed to be the last one (it was, after all, called The Final Chapter) and that people are actually tired of torture porn.

I am actually bewildered. And Tobin Bell will return as Jigsaw, despite the fact that his character has been dead for ages.


Jumanji (Digital Fox)

Jumanji (Digital Fox)

No, you haven't skipped a page - for the moment, there are just a handful of movies announced for November, and they all seem okay. However, December brings another remake that might urge some fans of the original to shout out and say that their childhood has been ruined.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Kevin Hart will costar in the Jumanji remake, and they’ll be accompanied by Jack Black and Karen Gillian. Set to be released on the 22nd, I have no doubt that it will be annihilated at the box office - after all, its release is one week after Star Wars: Episode VIII.

This being said, the concept of the remake is different from the one of the Robin Williams movie - in the sense that kids are sucked into the game and they have to play as other characters. But still - maybe I’m nostalgic or something, but couldn't the studio give this flick another title? Having The Rock and Kevin Hart in it will attract the audiences, anyway"¦

What do you think? In your opinion, which 2017 movies make no sense at all?

Category: Top Movies
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