Marvel is going to keep making movies until the sun burns out, and they’re also going to find a way to fit every single possible character into one of those movies. As someone who will probably love every single one of those movies, I feel assured that I can pin down at least ten characters they'll never add. Not in a million years. I f***ing dare them. You hear me, Marvel? I dare you to find a way to do anything with any of these characters.
10. The Hate Monger
Whom? Adolf Hitler is widely regarded as one the worst organisms in history. Responsible for millions of deaths in one of the worst genocides ever committed, he was a true villain. The kind of combination of stupid, evil, and trash facial hair that you’ll only see once in a lifetime. But, since he was a very bad tactician (Russia in the winter, anyone?), he lost the war and shot himself as he cowered in a bunker.
In the Marvel universe, his genetic material was harvested and cloned, and he resurfaced as a supervillain known as the Hate Monger. The Hate Monger was able to inspire hate and bigotry in people with just a thought. He turned normal-looking people into racist monsters on impulse. Oh, and he wears a pointy hood, as if you didn't already get the political commentary.
Why He'll Never Appear: I just can't see Marvel making "a clone of Hitler" the villain of their next blockbuster film. While there's definitely room for a blistering criticism of the recent rise of Anti-Semitic and Neo-Nazi ideology, handling this character poorly could be incredibly insensitive. It runs the risk of turning Hitler into a two-dimensional cartoon character, rather than the very real, irredeemable monster he was.
Plus, as much as dumb Internet losers like to call Marvel SJWs, they don't have the guts for that kind of political commentary writ large.
Whom? H.A.T.E. is an organization devoted to peacekeeping and world-protecting. Except – LOL – it isn't; it's a cover for a major evil organization. When the superteam working for them discovers this, the newly branded Nextwave all turn traitor and set out to annihilate the mysterious and evil government body.
The Team: Monica, Aaron, Elsa, Tabby, and The Captain, better known in other series as Photon, Machine Man, Bloodstone, Boom Boom, and…um, The Captain.
Why They'll Never Appear: The individual characters might (Monica will probably show up in the upcoming Captain Marvel movie), but we’re never going to see a movie that features the bat-**** insanity of Nextwave. The MCU is silly, but it is not cannonful of puppies silly.
Right now, though, I’m calling dibs on Nick Offerman as Dirk Anger. That casting is too perfect to pass up. Nextwave is one of those perfect comic books that’s too good and special and perfect to ever translate well into any other medium.
8. The Sentry
Whom? The Sentry was Marvel's attempt to grim ‘n’ gritty-up Superman for the Marvel Universe. He appeared as a classic hero everyone had forgotten about.
Honestly, given the character, that makes a lot of sense. He's very forgettable. It turned out that he was actually a drug addict who broke into a lab and ingested a secret formula that gave him superpowers.
Why He'll Never Appear: Turns out that the best solution Marvel had to the question How do we make Superman a "Marvel" character? was I dunno; give him a mental illness? The Sentry is just a phenomenally uninteresting character, but they kept trying to hook people into liking him.
They made him an Avenger. They made him kill Carnage. They killed him and brought him back as a Horseman of the Apocalypse. Nothing stuck. And the MCU does tend to ignore boring characters from the comics. That's why Gilgamesh hasn't had a movie yet.
Whom? As Hawkeye's circus mentor-turned-criminal mastermind, the Swordsman was one of the few Hawkeye villains who stuck around. Unfortunately for him, in the game of sword vs. arrows, arrows win every possible time. Hawkeye will nail you before you can get within ten paces of him.
There have been multiple Swordsmans (Swordsmen?) over the years, and one even fought Captain America in the last issue.
Why He'll Never Appear: With Hawkeye's circus backstory deleted from the MCU canon, I doubt any of his weird, quirky characters would make the cut. No Trickshot, no Swordsman, no weird clown friend. Nada.
Hey, if I'm wrong, I'll be super thrilled.
6. Devil Dinosaur
Whom? A Jack Kirby creation from the ’70s, Devil Dinosaur was a giant red dinosaur who palled around with a sub-human ape-beast named Moon Boy.
He would later team up with the much smarter (and better as a character) modern-day teenage girl who called herself Moon Girl. But at his inception, he was just a prehistoric dinosaur who fought things because they annoyed him.
Why He'll Never Appear: He’s a giant red dinosaur named Devil Dinosaur. I love him, but that is incredibly silly. Too silly. Call attention to the Guardians of the Galaxy movies all you want; they don't have a giant red T-rex stomping around. Even Rocket Raccoon is definable as a character. Devil is just an animal. Dude's comic book lasted nine issues. And that was back in the ’70s, when Nova had a 25-issue series.
5. The Eternals
Whom? Exactly. The Eternals are the only thing Jack Kirby created that was boring. Like, if there were nothing interesting about the New Gods, the Eternals were a race of immortal beings who were most notable for putting me to sleep.
Gilgamesh made it onto the Avengers, though. And when the most successful character from your team is the one nicknamed The Forgotten One, you have a problem.
Why They'll Never Appear: This one is two-fold. First, they’re deeply boring. The Jack Kirby series is boring, the Neil Gaiman series is boring, they’re all boring. And trying to make a movie or TV show out of them would end in disaster. The second reason is that Marvel just blew an obscene amount of money on a TV show about the Inhumans, a similar group of weird, vaguely fantasy-based superhumans who were actuallyway more interesting.
If you can't make The Inhumans interesting, good luck with the Eternals.
4. Rom, Spaceknight
Whom? Rom, Spaceknight is one of those licensed Marvel comics that was better than it had any right to be. After all, no one even really remembers the toy, just the Marvel additions. Or the IDW additions I guess, now that he's over there.
But Marvel created the Spaceknights, the Dire Wraiths, all that back-story stuff.
Why He'll Never Appear: Oh, yeah, because Marvel doesn't own him anymore. That's all Hasbro. We might potentially see Spaceknights (or not – I don't actually know what the deal is there), or Dire Wraiths, but Rom? No way, no how. Not until Disney buys Hasbro and becomes the all-consuming entertainment monolith we all know it will be.
Although Rom was a weirdly big part of the Marvel Universe for a while, issues over the rights to the character have made reprinting those books impossible, and that’s sad. I would love for some sort of deal to be struck along the lines of the deal that finally reprinted the Transformers issue that featured Spider-Man.
3. The Mandarin (The “Real” One)
Whom? One of the more infamous Iron Man villains, this warlord found ten rings of alien power that he used to become an honest-to-goodness supervillain. He fought Iron Man numerous times, but recently receded into the background. Mostly because, of all the problematic villains out there, he's the problematic-est.
The MCU’s Mandarin turned out to be a puppet figurehead masterminded by someone else. In his one-off, All Hail the King, we learned that there was an actual Mandarin out there who was unhappy that his name was used. Buuuut he'll almost definitely never appear on any screen, because"¦
Why He'll Never Appear: Look, there's no way to do The Mandarin that isn't at least a little offensive. The best-ever version – the only one to avoid this curse – was the one by Matt Fraction and Salvador Larroca, which played out as a parallel to the North Korean horrors. Otherwise, the Mandarin only works as a villain when he's couched in other-ization.
He's villainous because he's foreign. His name is the frickin' Mandarin, for Christ’s sake. And straddling the racist/not racist line isn't worth the headache with a character who isn't very good anyway.
2. The Orb
Whom? There are some silly villains out there, but none as silly as The Orb. The Orb had a gigantic eye for a head. He was born with this deformity, which was medically impossible in every single way. He took a job as a mercenary, which, why the hell not? Years later, he and some others went to the moon to fight The Watcher. Orb shot him and stole one of his eyes.
After killing the Watcher, Orb did what anyone with a giant eye for a head would do. He became the new Watcher. However, he routinely violated the non-interference clause by trying to subconsciously steer people toward committing horrific acts.
Why He'll Never Appear: I mean, COME ON. This silly-ass Ghost Rider/Doctor Strange villain is not going to make an appearance in a movie.
1. The X-Men (Probably)
Whom? You all know who the X-Men are.
Why They'll (probably) Never Appear: I know what you're thinking. What? But Disney just bought Fox! Of course the X-Men are going to be in the MCU, you SJW libcuck!!! But here's why I don't think so. I DO think X-Men-adjacent characters (and the Fantastic Four for 100 percent certain) will fold back into the MCU. I just don't think the X-Men as a whole will. Because that's bad business sense.
If the X-Men were to become MCU characters, Marvel would have to cut back on X-Men films as opposed to what Fox is doing, or risk over-saturating the market. Right now, Fox releases one or two X-films each year. If those were MCU films, we'd be getting four or five MCU films yearly, which is not something any studio would ever green light. It would be hazardous to the MCU branding. But if you have the MCU’s X-Men characters and movies take the place of whatever Phase 4 MCU films would have been made, you miss out on revenue. Keeping them as separate franchises brings twice the profit. Ka-ching.
And there you have it, ten characters or teams that I’m pretty confident won't make it into any MCU film in the near future. But again, I might be wrong. That would be cool in some cases, but a terrible idea in others.