Welcome back to my literal favorite thing to do ever. I hope you know the drill by now, but if you don't, I'll catch you up. In the "˜80s, DC published a series called Who's Who, in which they gave short bios of every single DC character that existed at that time. As a result, they are full of banana-pants insane characters that you've probably never heard of. So I like to take an issue or two of that series, sit down in front of the fire, pick out some of the weirdest characters, and lovingly make fun of them. Because I love comics for many reasons, but primary among them is the fact that characters like these exist. So start the countdown!

                                          Source: dchallofjustice.wikia.com

10. Deimos

Even though I've tried to read enough to fill in all the gaps in my comic book knowledge, I still have some blind spots. One of those blind spots is the Warlord series.

I know a bit about Skartaris and its residents, but not enough. So I need someone to explain to me why in the wide, wide world of sports this weirdo is dressed like this? Deimos was a mage skilled in black magic (I absolutely refuse to spell it with a k). He wanted to conquer Skartaris using the legendary Scrolls of Blood, but was stopped on multiple occasions by Lt. Travis Morgan, aka The Warlord.

Presumably because it's really hard to fight an Air Force Veteran while wearing a belly shirt and whatever the hell that thing around his waist is. Is he even wearing underwear under that? God, I hope so. Doesn't appear to be wearing anything to cover the back though.

Ew.

                                                Source: injustice.wikia.com

9. Detective Chimp

I really wish those two words could be the entirety of this entry. Because they're all you need to know.

Detective. Chimp. If you can see those words together without a smile slowly spreading across your face, I don't know how you were born without a soul. I dunno, ask a doctor or something.

Based in Florida (because literally of course), Bobo the chimpanzee was a super intelligent chimp whose owner was tragically murdered. Bobo solved the murder himself and took up being a detective. He did this for a long time until his advanced age started to affect him. At this point he met up with Rex the Wonder dog (Another time guys; if I talked about EVERY insane DC character today, this'd never be done), and the two of them DRANK FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.

"¦What? I"¦I don't even"¦okay?

Also, the best Detective Chimp story of all time is that issue in which he and Batman mess with The Riddler in an Internet chatroom.

                                             Source: comicvine.gamespot.com

8. Dr. Phosphorus

One of my favorite underrated Batman villains. But also, he is ridiculous as a concept, so I gotta put him on here. I mean, when we eventually get to Killer Moth, who is my favorite Batman villain of all time, he is most definitely going on this list.

So Dr. Phosphorus started life as Dr. Alex Sartorius. Holy hell, an ACTUAL doctor; you would be shocked at how rare that is. Dr. Sartorius was a member of Gotham City's Tobacconists' Club, which I guess was a club for tobacco enthusiasts? Sartorius was talked into plunging his life savings into a private nuclear power plant, which seems like a bad idea. I'm, um, I'm not sure how he expected to make money from this.

While he was inspecting his investment, the reactor suffered a rupture and blasted Sartorius full of sand from the sandbags he was hiding behind. The radiation also blasted the sand up one atomic number, turning it into phosphorus. If you know anything about chemistry, you might recognize this as not being how LITERALLY ANYTHING works, but whatever. This caused him to turn into a burning skeleton man, becoming Dr. Phosphorus.

Also, the Who's Who lists his weakness as "oxygen deprivation", which is also a weakness for all other humans.

                                             Source: comicvine.gamespot.com

7. Doctor Regulus

Dr. Regulus sounds like the name of the doctor who checks that your dietary habits and bowel movements are "regular". And I am pretty much a literal child so I find that funny.

Doctor Zaxton Regulus (oh, god, it just keeps getting better) was experimenting with solar energy and radioactive gold isotopes. In a nuclear plant. There are at least five different ways to become a supervillain in that description alone. But there was an accident and Regulus gained super powers and started building weapons powered by radioactive gold. That seems expensive.

Couldn't you find a more common powersource? Like electricity? Or Kryptonite? Or maybe solar power? Whatever, I guess when you're fighting the Legion of Superheroes you need to spend money if you want to"¦make money? I guess?

Not sure what Regulus' actual goal is? Though the Who's Who lists his Occupation as "criminal", which is my favorite thing.

                                                       Source: dc.wikia.com

6. Doll Man

Like shrinking superheroes but wish they wouldn't be TOO small? Then I've got the guy for you.

Chemist Darrell Dane designed a serum to shrink himself to six inches in height. He then decided, "Yeah, this is small enough, no need to try and shrink any more than this." And he adopted the name Doll Man.

Doll Man served as a member of the All-Star Squadron during World War II, until he decided to join the Freedom Fighters in their quest to free Earth X from Nazi Rule. Yeah, that's right, Doll Man fought the Nazis. Not sure how "being six inches tall" helps against a Tiger Tank, but he tried, I guess. When he was brought back in the mid-2000s, it was revealed that extended time spent at six inches broke Dane's mind and drove him insane, because being the height of a Star Wars Black Label toy is super traumatic, I guess.

Wait, apparently Doll Man was created by Will Eisner? THAT Will Eisner? Huh.

                                             Source: comicvine.gamespot.com

5. The Dummy

OH, JESUS, KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Sorry, sorry, I'm good. Just"¦incredibly unsettled.

Ok, let's talk about this"¦man? Thing? Thing-Man? The Dummy: height: 3'1", weight: 69 lbs (make your own incredibly juvenile joke here). The Dummy was a crime boss whose hideous features made him look like a ventriloquist's dummy. As a crime boss, he menaced cowboy hero The Vigilante and Vigilante's Chinese-American sidekick named Stuff. Is that racist? That feels racist. The Dummy eventually succeeded in killing Stuff, so Vigilante and Stuff's son (presumably named "Things") hunted him down and brought him to justice.

Oh, god, in doing extra research, I found that Stuff's full name was "Stuff the Chinatown Kid". That's deeeeeeeeefinitely racist. I also found that there was a Vigilante film serial in the "˜40s. Wow, would not have expected to fall down this rabbit hole. Thanks, The Dummy, you horrific monstrosity, you.

                                             Source: comicvine.gamespot.com

4. Evil Star

Yes, his name is ridiculous. No, that's not even why he's on this list. But feel free to laugh at Evil Star already, he deserves it.

Evil Star was an alien scientist who was trying to conquer death. Like you do. He invented an arm band that used star power to stop the aging process. Unfortunately, it had a side effect. That side effect was, as the Who's Who describes, that the bracelet causes anyone who wears it to "commit only evil acts". I don't care who you are, that's hilarious as an origin.

It also totally sounds like an excuse. "Oh, sorry I cheated on you honey, but this bracelet on my wrist makes me do only evil things, so I guess I can't help it. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go rob a bank and kick a puppy, Evil Star awaaaaaaaaay!"

He ruled over his planet with an iron fist for a while, until people got sick of him being a massive jerk and banished him. He ran into and fought Green Lantern, but got his butt kicked. And then he presumably stole candy from a baby and refused to wash his hands. You know, because he's eeeeeeeeeevil.

                                                 Source: comicsarchives.com

3. The Fiddler

Okay, you've pretty much already realized the one joke I'm gonna make in this entry. He uses a fiddle to commit crimes. That's hilarious.

He made the fiddle in prison, by the way, because that's apparently possible. Didn't make a shiv, did make a fiddle. Oooooookay. He also has a gun-violin and a camera violin, both of which have to make it unplayable as a musical instrument, right? Like, that's gotta screw with the acoustics. Also, he has a fiddle car. Because OF COURSE HE DOES. That makes perfect sense.

Man, being a supervillain must've been crazy expensive in the golden age. Especially since none of them successfully robbed anything without being kicked in the face by a dude in a cape.

The Who's Who also makes a point of saying that Fiddler recently gained some weight, which seems exceedingly mean. Like, it's not Fiddler's fault if he's stress eating. He's a concert-level violinist who spends all his time getting punched in the throat at Mach 3. He's gotta have some outlet.

                                                       Source: writeups.org

2. The Fisherman

Second verse, same as the first. This guy is also ridiculous as a basic concept. Plus he's an Aquaman villain.

His thing is that he has a gimmicked fishing pole and special lures. I can't even. This is ridiculous. He's also an underwater gun runner to the Atlanteans, usually in service of a more serious villain. And literally ANY villain is more serious than this dude. Friggin' Evil Star laughs at him. Presumably right before punting a kitten through a goal post.

The most serious thing the Fisherman ever did was mess up Detective Allen in Gotham Central. And that wasn't even the same guy, it was apparently a new guy using the same name. Before being shot dead.

Serious question, who in the hell decides to take up the mantle of The Fisherman? There are so many other names to choose from. SO MANY. You could be the new Firebug, or Fiddler, or Evil Star. Why would you pick the Fisherman?

                                                       Source: dc.wikia.com

1. Force of July

PUNS! I love puns. I love puns a lot. I don't think most of you understand how much I love puns. And the Force of July is a team made out of weaponized puns.

Team members are as follows: Lady Liberty, a French woman who shoots energy from a torch. Major Victory, a super strong guy. Mayflower, who controls plants and is from England. Silent Majority, a quiet guy who can clone himself. And Sparkler, who shoots fireworks.

Not gonna lie, Silent Majority is my favorite, and should be yours as well. And not just because his name is a reference to the term Nixon used to refer to supporters of the Vietnam War. I mean, mostly for that reason, but not entirely for that reason. Also, ultra-patriotic villains are my jam. One of these days, I gotta talk about Nuke on here.

And there you have it, ten more DC characters to laugh at and love. I love doing these and probably will keep it up no matter what, but liking and sharing this one a ton will up the frequency. Also, if you have a favorite weird character, let me know and I'll try to make sure to talk about him or her in the future. Maybe a reader request edition"¦?