When you think of comic book movies, you generally think of kid-friendly popcorn flicks with superheroes in colourful costumes. What harm could such movies possibly do to children?! Well, there are actually some scenes in the comic book movie genre – and indeed some entire movies – that are totally unsuitable for the younger generation.
And we’re not talking about adult movie parodies of comic book offerings – although they do exist – we’re talking about the every day comic book movies that so many people know and love.
In this article, we’ll go through ten comic book movies with moments that are actually completely unsuitable for kids…
The Punisher Movies
There have actually been three movies based on the Marvel anti-hero known as the Punisher and they’ve all been completely unsuitable for children.
1989’s The Punisher, starring Dolph Lundgren, 2004’s The Punisher, starring Thomas Jane, and 2008’s Punisher: War Zone, starring Ray Stevenson (who now famously plays the plump Asgardian Volstagg in the Marvel Cinematic Universe), were all violent, brutal and gory with extremely strong language – essentially like the comic books in which the character appears.
Example: There are many, but this brief passage from 2004’s The Punisher is a prime example…
Accountant #1: You know whose money this is? You know whose building this is?
The Punisher: Howard Saint’s.
Accountant #2: He’s gonna f**k your life up.
The Punisher: He already f**ked my life up.
The Judge Dredd Movies
There have been two Judge Dredd movies to date – 1995’s Judge Dredd, starring Sylvester Stallone, and 2012’s Dredd, starring Karl Urban.
Both movies are about the Judges who attempt to stop the rampant crime in the dystopic metropolis called Mega-City One that lies in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. They were both brutally violent, with moderate gore, and the more recent offering had another very adult aspect to it.
It was full of severe swearing, to the point of ridiculousness. Every other word was an “F-word” from certain characters and it’s definitely not for youngsters.
Example: There’s enough violence in both movies to talk about them for ages, but it’s the swearing in the second one that is most relevant when it comes to keeping your kids away from it. Here’s a prime example…
Kay: That I know how to freak you out. See, if you’re talking about my fu**ed-up head versus your fu**ed-up head, your f**ked-up head is gonna lose.
Howard The Duck
On the face of it, 1986’s Howard the Duck was a fairly innocent movie – and its rating certificate certainly reflected that – but there were definitely some scenes that you wouldn’t want your kids to see!
Starring Chip Zien as the voice of the titular duck, it saw him flung to Earth inadvertently, from his home planet of Duckworld, and trying to get back home.
He made friends with Beverly Switzler – played by Back to the Future’s Lea Thompson – and things got a little heated between them, in spite of the fact that she was human and he was an anthropomorphic duck. It’s those scenes that you wouldn’t want your kids to see!
Example: While the two didn’t actually have sex, Howard and Beverly came very close to doing so. She came on to him, was down to her underwear, and was only prevented from taking her top off and making the final move when the pair were interrupted.
X-Men: First Class
The first three X-Men movies – 2000’s X-Men, 2003’s X2 and 2006’s X-Men: The Last Stand – were all mostly popcorn flicks that were totally child friendly.
However, 2011’s X-Men: First Class made the franchise become a little bit more “grown up”. They had a more serious tone, more complex plots and indeed a couple of examples of language that you wouldn’t want your children to hear.
The movie introduced the younger versions of the likes of Magneto AKA Erik Lehnsherr and Professor Charles Xavier, as they became friends and mortal enemies within the same politically-fueled story. It was, however, a scene with Hugh Jackman’s ageless Wolverine that was most unsuitable for minors.
Example: Erik and Charles attempt to recruit Wolverine to their cause and the following exchange ensues…
Erik Lehnsherr: Excuse me, I’m Erik Lehnsherr.
Professor Charles Xavier: Charles Xavier.
Wolverine: Go f**k yourself.
Barb Wire
In this case, it should really come as no surprise that this movie is unsuitable for kids. With a scantily-clad Pamela Anderson in the lead role, it was always going to be somewhat risqué and aimed at adults.
The movie in question is 1996’s Barb Wire. It’s loosely based on the comic books of the same name (it’s set in a different time and a number of characters are gender-swapped for the movie) and features a sexy bounty hunter and mercenary – the titular Barb Wire.
It’s violent, moderately gory, contains relatively infrequent (but still present) bad language and some nudity. You definitely wouldn’t want your kids watching it.
Example: The “unrated” version of the opening sequence features Barb Wire dancing in a strip club and has several shots of her bare breasts.
Tank Girl
Most people won’t even know this movie exists, but back in 1995, a little-known character who appeared in UK comic magazine Deadline got a movie.
Tank Girl, starring Lori Petty in the titular role, had a cast that included the likes of Naomi Watts, Malcolm McDowell, Iggy Pop and Ice-T, but it really wasn’t very good.
It’s about a futuristic, drought-ravaged Australia in which Tank Girl and her allies fight against oppression. Other characters include Tank Girl's "boyfriend" - a mutated kangaroo named Booga - and a lecherous paedophile named Sam. It was pretty damn unsuitable for children in every respect – most notably the language.
Example: As if there being a paedophilic character wasn’t reason enough, here’s an example of the dialogue from the movie…
Sgt. Small: F**k me!
Jet Girl: How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t want to!
Watchmen
Watchmen is a massively underrated 2009 movie about the comic book movie team of the same name. Taking place in an alternate 1980’s, when the existence of vigilante teams has dramatically altered world events, it’s based on the 1986-87 DC Comics limited series of the same name.
It’s one of the more mature comic book movies in every single way – the plot, the language, the relationships, the gore, the tone, everything!
There’s an actual sex scene – something that very rarely happens in comic book movies – but it is the explicit language that really ensures it has a place on this list.
Example: When fictional version of famous political figures are swearing, you know it’s a no-go zone for your children!
Richard Nixon: Bold moves, Henry. That’s what’s needed right now. We can’t let these f**kers think we’re weak! Henry Kissinger: Yes. They must fear the madman Richard Nixon.
The Blade Series
In 1998, Blade revamped the comic book genre with a brilliant offering that made it trendy to like comic book movies again. Starring Wesley Snipes in the titular role of the vampire hunter, the movie spawned two sequels – 2002’s Blade II and 2004’s Blade: Trinity – and they’re all on this list as one entry.
To say they kicked off the recent comic book trend, it’s really a surprise that more comic book movies aren’t full of swearing, violence and gore – because all three of these movies were.
Vampires invariably bring blood with them wherever they go, and there was a hell of a lot of it being thrown around here, but it was the language that really made the trilogy unsuitable for kids – especially the third one, when Ryan Reynolds’ Hannibal King came onto the scene.
Example: Far from being like the more sophisticated and older version in the comic books, Reynolds’ King was a young, brash, cocky character whose language was as bad as it gets. Here’s an example…
Hannibal King: That’s atomised colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s air conditioning system, you c*ck-juggling thunder-c**t!
Guardians Of The Galaxy
2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy was one of the surprise successes in comic book movie history. It was fantastic and the characters in it became popular with fans immediately – in spite of the fact that it’s not even close to being one of Marvel’s more popular comic book properties.
While it was mostly child-friendly – it had a walking tree and a talking raccoon, for heaven’s sake – the space epic that saw a team of misfits defeat a cosmic threat did have some adult elements.
A lot of the adult jokes would go straight over most kids’ heads, but if they were to understand them, they would be wholly inappropriate.
Example: When the Guardians of the Galaxy board the ship owned by Chris Pratt’s Peter Quill, Gamora acknowledges that it’s unclean. Quill then insinuates that there’s actually semen all over everything!
Peter Quill: Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting!
The Avengers
What?! The Avengers?! Yes! The Avengers!
It’s a movie that, by its very nature, is aimed at children. It contains popular superheroes from several other popular movies – which were also aimed at children – as they team-up to fight an alien invasion that is being led by the Asgardian rogue Loki.
It should come as no surprise, then, that the one scene that really isn’t suitable for children in this movie involves Loki himself. He uses language that really shouldn’t have made it past the censors and there must surely have been a lot of complaints since the movie’s release.
Example: Loki and Black Widow are discussing Loki’s motives and Black Widow’s past, when Loki’s tone takes a turn for the angry. He uses a crude word that refers to female genitalia – it’s actually about as bad as language gets, but it’s so infrequently used in today’s culture that it escaped the censors!
Loki: This is my bargain, you mewling qu*m!
Black Widow: You’re a monster!
What do you think? Would you let your kids watch these movies, bearing in mind these scenes? Which other comic book movies should kids keep away from? Have your say below!
