Source: blacknerdproblems.com

3. Fant4stic

Ah, yes, the characters who spawned the Marvel Universe finally have the movie they deserve.

And, as everyone always wanted, it’s an incredibly bleak and dark Fantastic Four movie. Yup, we sure wanted some needless body horror in this movie. Who didn’t shed a tear when we learned that It’s Clobberin’ Time was just a thing that Ben Grimm’s abusive brother yelled as he beat him up. I know that when I first heard The Thing yell that phrase, I immediately had to know its origin story. I secretly hoped that it came out of years of familial abuse.

And what a great Doctor Doom. He’s finally comic-book accurate: weirdly glowing and looking like an action figure that God melted in the microwave for a bit.

No longer constraining The Thing by making him wear pants is by far the filmmaker’s best creative decision. I definitely never thought I’d be lucky enough to see a bare-assed Thing onscreen in my lifetime. When it happened, I stood up in the theater and applauded.

                                                           Source: comicbook.com

2. Howard the Duck

I know, I know. You’re all shocked that this movie isn’t at Number One. While I have to admit that this is commonly recognized as the best comic book movie of all time, it just isn’t my favorite.

Yes, of course, I love the sharply written jokes. Yes, I know that this movie is a technological marvel, and some argue that no one’s surpassed it. And that duck costume stands head and shoulders above any and all of the modern era’s CGI effects. I mean, it’s pretty short, not literally but metaphorically.

Look, to the people out there who are gonna  yell at me in the Comments about how Howard the Duck’s hilarious blending of silly kid jokes and incredibly dirty adult jokes make it the closest thing to Oscar-worthy cinema in comic book movies: I AGREE WITH YOU. But I just don’t think it’s the very best comic book movie. Second best? Sure. Better than anything else released that decade? Of course, duh. But best?

That honor has to go to…

                                                   Source: filmschoolrejects.com

1. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

I mean, this is what it had to be. When I think back on everything I love about comic books, when I try to figure out where the medium’s high point lies, I can only think of a jar of pee sitting on a senator’s desk. And then it all comes flooding back.

Superheroes who needlessly murder people. A movie that requires a director’s cut to even qualify as a movie. A villain who prefers to be incredibly annoying, as opposed to being in any way threatening. These are all of my favorite things.

From the opening scene, which finally shows us what happened to Batman’s parents, to the ending, during which…hold on, I need to check…Holy s**t, Superman DIES? I had somehow totally forgotten this. Weird. Anyway, Henry Cavil shines with the direction he’s given, which clearly involves “Standing there looking pouty. But not too pouty, because that would qualify as an emotion.” And Ben Affleck does a good job, since he hasn’t decided whether he even wants to be in these movies anymore.

All in all, the movie’s incredibly long, super gray, and full of creative decisions that are so contrary to what any sane human being would do, you can only call it the greatest comic book movie of all time.

Well, everybody, that’s the list. Ranked and presented, the greatest comic book movies of all time! Enjoy the rest of your April Fools’ Day. I hope this gave you a dumb little chuckle. I’ll be back with a real, non-jokey list in a couple of days.