It took Batman v Superman three years to arrive on the big screen - three years of fan anticipation and three years in which everybody involved in the making of the movie had time to perfect the final product. What did we get? As Kevin Smith said, a beautiful and heartless thing.
And, as far as we are concerned, the only one to blame for Batman v Superman’s lack of consistency is Zack Snyder – after all, he had the reins and the power to make all the necessary adjustments. But, ultimately, he didn't deliver.
After watching Batman v Superman twice already, we can safely say that it certainly looks good - yes, even the CGI. However, there are plenty of scenes which simply do not make sense, no matter how much we want them too. Of those scenes, the following are the most amazing, so to speak.
So check them all out, if you will - it goes without saying that there are spoilers.
Almost any scene in which Lex Luthor talks
There are several scenes in which Lex Luthor is the most interesting character in the world - and we say that with no sarcasm at all. This new version of the character falls almost perfectly within this movie, but only in certain scenes, such as when he interacts with Finch and Barrows. In the others, however, you can only ask yourself why he went in that direction with the delivery of his lines.
And the best example would be during the reception, when his voice can be heard in the background, changing tonality (as it too often does), as if trying to cover the tense conversation between Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent.
Or, as another example, on the rooftop, when he convinces (?!?) Superman to kill Batman. Lex Luthor seems like a caricature of a villain in these Batman v Superman moments, spewing sentences and words as if he came straight out of the comics"¦
Yes, this sounds pretty cool: Black and blue. Fight night. The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world. God versus man. Day versus night! Son of Krypton versus Bat of Gotham!
But it sounds cool only when it’s of context.
Yes, we like this new version of Luthor, diabolical and such - however, maybe it would have been for the better if he indeed provided comic relief just for the audiences and remained a cynical and diabolical manipulator at any other time.
Justice League cameos
It’s pretty weird to have the director pause the movie to deliver brief teasers on upcoming DCEU flicks - but Zack Snyder did just that in Batman v Superman, and at the height of the movie, when the most intense scenes were about to come.
Yes, we can assume that it should have been a surprise to find out (via an even more surprised Diana Prince) that Lex Luthor has files on exactly the biggest metahumans in the world, the ones who will form the Justice League. And, maybe placed at a different point during Batman v Superman, it would have been a surprise.
But this way?
And also - why didn't it show these teasers when Bruce Wayne decrypted the files? It would have made much more sense then and it would have added more weight to the dream sequence.
Bad timing, we believe - we have no problem with the clips (not even with Aquaman, since many said that Jason Momoa looked to be holding his breath). They just shouldn't have been inserted into Batman v Superman at that particular moment (oh"¦more screen time for Gal Gadot"¦now we get it!).
Turkish Airlines
Really? We understand - they acted as sponsors during the Batman v Superman marketing campaign. But did Zack Snyder actually have to insert that scene with Diana Prince boarding AND immediately stepping out of the Turkish Airlines plane?
It makes no sense at all.
Earth Dad cameo
From this point of view, this scene was a surprise - but only because it wasn't revealed in the marketing campaign, like many other key scenes. We're wondering how in the world they kept it under the radar, especially since it brought Kevin Costner back.
But, leaving this aside, the scene could have easily been cut out of the movie. One of the reasons is that it is a common trope of all superhero flicks, so Batman v Superman could have been released without it (the whole world on my shoulders thing). Then because it wasn't established as anything in particular.
Was it a dream sequence? Was it a hallucination? Was it a memory in which, somehow, Clark Kent appears as his older self? We have no clue.
What we do know is that it wasn't needed. Batman v Superman could have been a couple of minutes shorter. And we guess Superman could have realized on his own, in the background (and without stealing screen time) that, sometimes, people are jerks and some might not love him.
Lois Lane and the spear of bad writing
It seems that Lois Lane's destiny was to provide Superman with reason upon reason to be distracted. But the cherry on top came when she threw the kryptonite spear without any reason into water, only to try and retrieve it, and nearly drown, a couple of minutes later.
We understand that she believed it was the only thing that could hurt Clark Kent. But we also understand that kryptonite lays unguarded in the ocean, for any kid to find it. So"¦
And then she tries to take it back and what? Impale Doomsday herself? At least go anywhere near the battle between the Gods (and one Batman)? Was that supposed to be heroic? Well, it was plain stupid. If we are upset about something in Batman v Superman, then that is the fact that Lois Lane was utterly useless.
Amy Adams could have done much more with such a character - but all she was needed to do is scream.
The evil plan
Back to Lex Luthor - bluntly, he knows the secret identities of Batman and Superman and intends to make them fight each other. Either Batman kills Superman, or it’s the other way around (and, potentially, the world realizes that the Man of Steel is a cold blooded killer). Fine.
He has the resources to find out the superheroes’ secret identities. But this isn't the problem. The problem is the reason he wants that - a reason some might have to wait to learn until the Ultimate Extended Director R-rated Cut is released"¦
And even then, it won't make any sense. Lex wants Superman dead because he is a threat. Or Lex wants Superman dead because he is a God and all omnipotent gods are evil. Or Lex wants to kill Superman because some alien threat is coming.
The last one is even more bewildering. If Lex is indeed working (somehow) for Darkseid, then he has no reason to feel fear. If he fears Darkseid, then he shouldn't try to kill Superman, the only chance Earth has against the ruthless dictator.
We surely are missing something"¦or aren't we?
Plan B
If Man won't kill God - we are sold on this line. It is beautiful and it sums up the lengths to which Lex Luthor will go in order to have his way. He would even make a pact with the devil.
But the problem is that Lex had no idea that, ultimately, Batman won't kill Superman. So he had no idea that he will indeed need Doomsday, a creature capable of killing both of the heroes. Are we supposed to suspect that this Batman v Superman version of the killing machine listened to Lex's will, just because it had his blood?
Anyway, it is either one plan or the other. And if we were Lex and Doomsday listened to our will, we would have chosen the Doomsday plan from the start.
Batman v Superman - becoming besties
If there is a one percent chance that both of their mothers are called Martha"¦
The Batman v Superman Dark Knight was awesome - from fighting style to detective skills to gadget-building to chin. However, this must have been the cheesiest moment of the entire movie. Sure, Superman could have used his super-hearing to locate his mother. Or the greatest detective in the world could have found out that Clark's mother has the same name as his.
But to squash the biggest gladiator fight in the history of mankind based on that, especially when one of the combatants is ready to deliver the finishing blow"¦
And who calls his mother by her name in such moments?!? We thought, initially, that Batman stayed his hand because he was also bewildered - why does Superman, my enemy, call his mother by her name in such an intense scene, when he is about to die?
As we saw, this scene was actually too emotional for some people. It wasn't for us. It was just awkward. Maybe we expected some other reason for Batman v Superman to become the Dawn of Justice.
Flash
The Knightmare scene from Batman v Superman was one of the best scenes in the movie. Leaving aside the Darkseid tease, that scene revealed how paranoid Bruce Wayne can be, and how the world would look like under the rule of a ruthless god. Plus, we got that Red Son vibe, which was also nice.
We had no problem - but no problem at all with the violence and the killing. Desperate times call for desperate measures. However, the entire scene's meaning was ruined by the Flash cameo.
As we understood later, Zack Snyder came up with this idea while shooting Batman v Superman AND working on Justice League Part One, as a sort of Easter-Egg that will pay off later on down the road. But maybe it would have been better if he restrained himself.
With Flash time-traveling, the Knightmare becomes just another tease, just another set-up for future movies. Without it, the Knightmare is the fuel that further feeds Batman's rage, the personal, petty, and f****d up reason why Bruce wants to kill Clark. And it is exactly what was needed, by us at least - who kills a god just because of some dream? A broken Bat, that’s who.
Fan service and setting up future movies - not so cool.
Bring Doomsday in Gotham
Man of Steel's biggest flaw is the destruction of Metropolis - though we believe that it needed to happen, to show how flawed and unprepared Superman was when taking on veteran superpowered soldiers. As far as we are concerned, the Senate hearing shouldn't have happened - if it weren't for Superman, everybody in the world would have been dead.
However, such a tactical mistake cannot be expected from a veteran Dark Knight. Even if the kryptonite spear was in Gotham, and even if he was the only one who realized it can kill Doomsday (one more extra point for the Batman v Superman version of the Caped Crusader), why would he try to bring the killing machine into his home city?
Even Wonder Woman was amazed. Surely there must have been another possibility"¦
Superman and kryptonite
If Superman can barely lift the kryptonite out of the water, how can he fly with it and stab Doomsday? The whole heroic and selfless act is undermined by this inconsistency - especially since these scenes happen one after the other.
It can be argued that it was sheer will, or that it was the momentum, or some other thing. But Zack Snyder further emphasized a point when Lois dragged Superman out of the water - kryptonite is his biggest weakness. To have him immediately pick up the spear and impale Doomsday seems baffling - how much strength was needed to penetrate his skin?
The end"¦
Spoiler alert - if you didn't see this coming a mile away (given the comic it was based on), Superman dies at the end of Batman v Superman. Except he doesn't.
We already knew that he would come back, for the 2 Justice League films - since Henry Cavill was already announced for them and since, well, he already gave several interviews talking about his training. So what need was there for that final scene which suggested that Superman wasn't dead?
What was the purpose of it, other than undermining the death scene, the funerals, and so on?
Justice League will be released on the 17th of November 2017. We can only hope Zack Snyder doesn't have enough time to screw with the script again.
