As I mentioned last week, I've been trying to find a comic book that is so bad, no one can defend it. I thought I found the one last week, but I was apparently mistaken. But this week, I think I found the grail. A comic so monumentally bad, Marvel aggressively retconned it. A comic so bad, Marvel former EIC Jim Shooter publically denounced it as "heinous". A comic somehow produced by some of the best talent in comics at the time, none of whom I think are bad writers or artists. A comic that almost single-handedly ruined a character. A comic that makes me so uncomfortable I want to leave the room and take a shower every time I read it. That comic would be Avengers #200.

Note: All images are sourced directly from Avengers #200

10. The Holy Trinity

So I'll be doing this the same way I did my Grounded breakdown. We'll be going page by page and panel by panel, hitting only the worst moments. Of course, with Grounded, I had four issues to draw from. Here, I only have one. It's a good thing it's so terrible then, right?

We start with the very first panel on the very first page. It’s literally the first caption on the page. The caption claims that the three things that have driven America forever were "Mom, apple pie, and the girl next door". The comic goes on to state that "wars have been fought for these ideals; presidents have been elected over them." I"¦ um"¦ what? I must've forgotten about the great girl next door wars of the 1910s. And if motherhood really mattered all that much in presidential elections, we probably should've had a lot more women in the White House by now.

However, I do however fully buy that wars have been fought over apple pie. I'm pretty sure that's how the war of 1812 got started. Also, take note of the glamorization of motherhood. That's gonna get super gross later in the story.

9. Earth’s Creepiest Heroes

Now, we are actually introduced to the plot in progress. Ms. Marvel (later known as Captain Marvel) apparently has gone through nine months of pregnancy in three days.

And if that isn't weird enough, Carol Danvers, aka Ms. Marvel, assures everyone else that it wasn't physically possible for her to have gotten pregnant at any point in the last several months. But, instead of freaking out because this is all literally body horror, the Avengers all start getting excited, because BABY!!!

Wasp enters the scene shouting "Ooo, this is exciting!" I'm glad you think one of your teammates possibly getting Xenomorphed is "exciting", Wasp. Or, what about the moment when Beast (yeah, the one from the X-Men. He was also a longtime Avenger) looks at the newly born baby and calls it "frisky", and follows that by saying that he'll "be Quarterbacking the Jets before he's sixteen”. Two things.

First, that thing came out of your teammate against her will, why are you fawning over it? And second, YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A BABY. How does a baby show any indication of anything, especially football prowess? GOD the Avengers are baby-crazy, who knew?

8. Justifiably Horrified

So this next moment is weird, because it is only bad retroactively. If it weren't for the rest of the story, it would actually be a decent moment. But given what happens later, it is monumentally terrible.

Wasp, ever clueless, runs up to Carol and tries to congratulate her on her new baby. Carol is pretty rightfully distraught at the TERRIFYING SITUATION SHE HAS JUST GONE THROUGH. Wasp even has the gall to call her "lucky".

Yeah, no, I wish I was lucky enough to have a surprise baby force its way out of me.

That sounds like so much fun.

But again, Carol's reaction is incredibly reasonable and justified. Remember this, because later, the comic will go out of its way to prove that this reaction was somehow foolish. It'll be fun.

7. Marcus-ed for Life

And here's where the story gets weird.

I know, right? But at this point, the baby starts aging at an accelerated rate, reaching speaking age in mere minutes. When he does, we learn two things: first, the baby calls himself Marcus, and second, Marcus is a colossal jerkface.

When the Avengers arrive to question Marcus about his origins and general weirdness, Marcus talks down to them!!

Fun fact, if someone asks you to do something and your response begins with the phrase "very well", you are a massive jerk. Marcus IS a massive jerk. But his jerkiness and general awfulness are just the beginning of this story's terribleness.

Now, we're about to dip into the forbidden zone of this story. The point at which it goes from generically bad to godawful. So before I do, I feel I should say a couple of things first. Most importantly, I don't hold anything in this comic against the creative team. They've all done enough great work to counteract this one bad comic. Also, since there are four credited plotters, its unclear who exactly did what.

Also, and this is SUPER IMPORTANT BEFORE WE PROCEED: the following story deals with concepts that could be interpreted as rape, date-rape, Stockholm Syndrome, and incest, so serious trigger warnings for all of those things. And now, if you feel like carrying on with me"¦let's go on.

6. No, Luke…

And now we get back to "I literally transcribe the actual dialogue because it's too bonkers to summarize believably" theatre!!!

Captain America approaches Marcus, trying to figure out exactly what his deal is. He asks Marcus where he came from. Marcus basically rolls his eyes and says, "My mother."

You know, like a jerk.

Steve seems annoyed by this. To be fair, the last time he had to deal with a child was in the forties, and said child wound up attached to an exploding plane. I only wish Marcus met a similar fate.

Annoyed, Steve then asks Marcus how he was conceived. To which he responds: "Uhhhm"¦by my father?" Wow, Marcus, did you want to derisively snort while flipping double birds as you said that? Because you might as well have. Finally, Steve asks Marcus who his father is. Marcus responds with the worst answer possible. An answer so terrible because it is actually the truth.

"I am."

NOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!!

I'M DONE.

I DON'T WANNA GO ON.

5. Women, Amirite?

Ok, fine, I'll keep going. But we need to put off the details of Marcus's birth for an entry. Both for my own sanity and so I can address something else.

We cut outside the room to Wonder Man and Hank Pym, aka Yellowjacket, standing guard and just a-talkin' about women. We start with Wondy asking Hank how he ever came to understand women. Ummm, they're just people, Simon, there's not much that needs understanding. Hank responds that he doesn't understand them and that he accepts his wife "for what she is".

Yeah, that's the quote. WHAT she is. Not "who". No, “what". But this should be no surprise coming from Hank Pym. The Hank Pym who would hit his wife for the first time in Issue 213. Yeah, no, Hank "hit-a-lady" Pym doesn't understand women? Look how shocked I am.

This, right here? This is my shocked face.

4. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

So back to Marcus, I guess, if I have to.

Carol comes downstairs, intending to see Marcus. When she walks into the room, she comes face to face with him, now fully grown with some truly awful facial hair. She then feels "undeniable attraction".

Ewwwwwwww.

And Marcus's first words to her, while smirking and staring into her eyes are ""¦Mother."

Double ewwwwwwww.

You see, Marcus is his own father by some super strange time travel-y means we will cover in greater detail later. He essentially impregnated Carol with his own self, making her his mother and his consort, and I am actually throwing up as I write this entry. HE IS HITTING ON HIS MOM. That's super gross! And the comic sure ain't treating it like it's gross. The comic seems to think all of this is super romantic and acceptable. And then"¦

3. Mama Said Knock You Out

All of a sudden, dinosaurs and spaceships show up and start attacking the city. This SHOULD be awesome. And the single panel of Iron Man straight up decking a T-Rex IS awesome. But then we get back to Marcus.

Marcus is trying to repair a machine he built earlier, between panels. Carol tries frantically to get him out of danger, because she is a superhero, after all. But Marcus decides there is only one simple way to fix everything, and that is to…

Knock his victim/mom the hell out. Which he does. He then picks her up to carry her off to god knows where.

Thankfully, Hawkeye arrives and does the logical thing, which is to shoot an arrow right at Marcus's smarmy face. He winds up destroying Marcus's machine, and Marcus decides to just murder Hawkeye, only stopping when Carol stops him. And then"¦Marcus explains how he impregnated Carol.

Here we go. Buckle up everybody.

2. Forget-Me-Now

Marcus was the child of Immortus, aka Kang, aka a time-traveling Avengers villain. He was born in limbo, though, which means that, in order to leave, he had to be re-born on earth. So he picked a woman, in this case Carol Danvers, and just kidnapped her.

Marcus then kept her for WEEKS, trying to "win" her, as he puts it. Eventually, through Stockholm Syndrome and mind-control devices, Carol falls for Marcus. Or as Marcus puts it: "You became mine."

He then"”wait. I'm sorry, did I say MIND-CONTROL DEVICES??? God, that's just full-on sexual assault. There's not even any wiggle room. It's just legitimate sexual assault on an unwilling, brainwashed victim.

If goshdarn alcohol takes away one's ability to give consent (which it totally does) MIND CONTROL is, like, a bajillion times worse.

I swear to god, this comic is like if Jessica Jones was intended to be a love story.

So while she is MIND CONTROLLED, Marcus sleeps with her, impregnates her with his own genetic material, and sends her back to earth MIND-WIPED.

And to think I called Starfox "Captain Rohypnol". Congratulations, Starfox, you are officially no longer the most rape-y character in Avengers history. I still hate you, though.

1. And then, it Somehow Gets Worse

Marcus finishes his story by explaining that, since Hawkeye went and destroyed his machine, he now has to go back to Limbo forever. And for some reason, the Avengers FEEL BAD FOR HIM.

WHAT. I"¦I don't"¦what? But, oh no, it gets worse, because Carol decides to go with him. Carol, who Marcus ADMITTED TO MIND CONTROLLING. And all the Avengers see NO PROBLEMS WITH THAT IDEA. Jesus Christ, if Marcus was giving off any more red flags, he would've gone through a communist revolution by now.

But no, the Avengers just send Carol and Marcus on their merry way, like the worst people ever. That is why the story is so bad. It treats all of the horrible things Marcus did as perfectly okay, and not disgustingly atrocious. It makes Carol look like a fool for her earlier distrust of Marcus, even though that distrust is THE ABSOLUTE CORRECT WAY TO FEEL ABOUT BEING IMPREGNATED AGAINST HER OWN WILL.

And that was supposed to be the end of Ms. Marvel. But it wasn't. Chris Clairemont, who was disgusted by Avengers #200, brought Carol back in the pages of Avengers Annual #10, wherein she shows up back on earth again. When the Avengers catch up with her, she reveals that she's been avoiding them since she escaped Marcus and Limbo. She then proceeds to chew out the team for letting her leave with Marcus, who was CLEARLY forcing her into a relationship. When the Avengers stammer and act like jerks again, she leaves, deciding that she'd rather join the X-Men, instead.

And that's the end of our sad, strange saga. So, when you get excited for our upcoming look at Captain Marvel on the big screen, remember to thank Chris Clairemont for saving Carol from the worst fate imaginable. And make sure to forget that Marcus ever existed. Letting him take up space in your memory is better than he deserves. Worst character ever, worst Avengers comic ever, second worst Marvel comic ever. What's the worst? Maybe I'll get to it someday, but next week, I think I'll take some time to write about something positive. This one drained me.

Well, off to take that disgust-shower.