January 02, 2017
2017 Movies Nobody Asked For

January


Return of... but why? (Utter) Return of...but why? (Utter)

As expected, January is filled with movies nobody really cares about. And while some do seem to be at least fun (such as Monster Trucks, which will still be a dud, in our opinion), the rest show that Hollywood has run out of ideas.

So, while A Monster Calls will receive a wide release at the beginning of the month, it will be lost in a sea of sequels that will arrive too late to make an impact. And it's pretty hard to say which one of them is the most useless. Is it the xXx 3: Return of Xander Cage follow-up? Well, this one does seem to be it – but Vin Diesel can still attract audiences, especially with insane movies such as this one. Or is it the Sleepless remake, with Jamie Foxx and TI? This could also be it.

However, the title in this case is split between two sequels: Underworld: Blood Wars (January 6th) and Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (January 27th). Milla Jovovich returns to the only franchise that will still hire her four years after Retribution, in what seems to be the...well, the final chapter of the film series. We have no idea how it managed to last through six movies.

Also four years after the last installment in the franchise, Blood Wars will see the return of Kate Beckinsale as the vampire (or whatever she is these days) at war with the Lycans (who are now more dangerous than ever, we are told).

I don’t know. I guess these are cheap movies to make. But still – why do they make them? It isn’t as if the previous ones can be called classics…